Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me inform you about this superb lady.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No surprise I like the music of Alan Doyle (and Great Big Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool instructor for 22 years and has been an energetic member in her group for her whole life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Ageing. She typically drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the previous individuals” (as she known as it), which she did effectively into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I might swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my cellphone, typically distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I believe having identified her my whole life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has at all times been right here, and Gramma will at all times be right here.”
Fortuitously, I stumbled upon an historical Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my latest visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea relationship again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how typically we do one thing or see any person, it’s the solely time that it’ll actually occur this manner, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As an alternative of checking our telephones, we will deal with the individual or process in entrance of us.
- As an alternative of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we might be right here now.
- As an alternative of going by way of the motions, we generally is a bit extra deliberate with our conduct.
I’ve mirrored quite a bit on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer time.
I finished worrying concerning the future or ruminating on the previous, put my cellphone down, and simply sat along with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I might get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent a number of summers dwelling in a tent with no working water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their house together with his personal two arms. And the way a lot she cherished it.
She instructed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and obtained caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her mother and father mattress till the solar got here up.
I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared pictures of her marriage ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some pictures of me and her from means again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, not sure when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt completely different. I had linked with Gramma extra deeply in a number of visits than I most likely had previously 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Group
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of visitors would present as much as test on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her greatest good friend. Her good friend Anne. Pals from the Council of Ageing. Fellow quilters. Individuals from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the identical time, and it was an absolute occasion.
I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life effectively lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped every thing to come back and spend time along with her, swapping tales and maintaining her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an excellent humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and mentioned, “I remembered one other story!” She then instructed me concerning the time she “borrowed” a automobile, though she didn’t have a license but, to drive by way of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the cellphone along with her 94 yr previous brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you previous geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher as we speak?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and all the individuals from completely different elements of her life felt like the very best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m continuously moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional house by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Reside Intentionally
The hospital by which my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his ebook Walden.
At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by way of the timber.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I needed to dwell intentionally, to entrance solely the important details of life, and see if I couldn’t study what it needed to train, and never, once I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most necessary to him.
Gramma went the opposite course, prioritizing what’s most necessary to her: household, associates, and group.
Two completely different eventualities, the identical finish outcome:
Selecting to dwell intentionally.
I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and dwelling merely, however I do suppose I’ve performed my greatest to dwell extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most necessary to me too: associates, household, and group.
All We’ve got to Determine…
A couple of years in the past, Gramma offered my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I wish to give them to you now in order that we will take pleasure in this second collectively.”
She took the time to clarify the which means behind every quilt and why they had been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, relatively than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.
After I visited Gramma this summer time, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had passed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means obtained to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.
For that purpose, I’m penning this essay now to ensure she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so pleased with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to study from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I obtained a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and he or she cherished it. Mission completed!)
I definitely hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again house. In any case, she instructed her good friend Laurie “I’m not performed but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to resolve.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we now have to resolve is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to dwell extra intentionally:
- For those who’re prepared to place your cellphone down and be current with the individuals in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- For those who’re prepared to prioritize what’s really necessary as a substitute of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go improper with the alternatives you make.
- If yow will discover a option to deal with the necessary individuals in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it while you’re 94.
And eventually bear in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do as we speak, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: If you’d like a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely suggest Wim Wenders’s Perfect Days.