For a very long time, I took loads of satisfaction in by no means needing to depend on different folks.
I’m a conflict-avoidant people-pleaser, so I’d typically satisfaction myself on NEVER permitting myself to depend on others. I actually wouldn’t let myself burden someone else with my struggles.
I jokingly shared how I felt about asking for help the other day on Instagram:
I’d gladly assist others with no second thought. However noticed it as a personality flaw for myself (and ONLY myself) if I requested for assist.
I believed that this was certainly one of my strengths: figuring all the things out by myself and being out there to assist everyone else however NEVER asking others for assist or steerage.
I’ve come to understand how foolish – and dangerous – this mentality was. And I’ll drill the purpose house in two healthful methods.
Asking For Assistance is a Signal of Energy
Lord of the Rings has been on the entrance of my thoughts for the previous week.
Season 2 of Rings of Energy just lately began (and early opinions are saying it’s a marked enchancment over Season 1, which has me excited!).
I additionally listened to a 3-part sequence about The Lord of the Rings on the What Went Wrong? Podcast. It covers how this trilogy got here to life, simply what number of issues needed to go proper, and what a monumental feat it was bringing Tolkien to the large display in such unimaginable and cinematically good style.
Occupied with Center Earth and Lord of the Rings jogged my memory of one of many memes that inspired me to start therapy. If Aragorn, the manliest man ever (okay he’s Numenorean and part-elf, however you already know what I imply) leaned on his buddies…perhaps it’s okay for me to lean on others for assist too.
Asking For Assistance is a Tremendous Energy
Whereas I mirrored on writing this text, I stumbled throughout a video that introduced an enormous smile to my face.
Powerlifter/private coach Sherein Abdelhady was filming herself doing heavy deadlifts in a industrial fitness center, and a random dude approached her between units and requested some of the healthful questions I’ve ever seen in a fitness center interplay:
“Hey this can be a bizarre request…however are you able to train me easy methods to deadlift?”
His request was well mannered and respectful, and Abdelhady was very happy to assist!
In consequence, this man discovered easy methods to deadlift from someone who knew far more than he did in that space! And now this man could have a greater expertise (and doubtless save himself from damage) for the remainder of his life doing this unimaginable train.
What an excellent energy! Props to this man for being an actual human, and recognizing that asking for assist and being open to studying is a freaking superpower.
I’m used to seeing movies of girls who’re approached by jerks who supply unsolicited recommendation or mansplain (with horrible suggestions) to ladies who’re much more educated than the jerk..
So this was an unimaginable flip of the script. I like it.
Asking For Assist (One Final Thought)
I’ll depart you with one ultimate thought earlier than I ask YOU for a request.
Once I ask for assist, I generally tend to comply with it up with “I owe you one.”
This thought from professor Adam Grant modified my perspective:
I like this.
I’ve to cease myself EVERY TIME someone helps me, and as a substitute of claiming “i owe you one,” I merely thank them. I do know that I’d gladly assist them with out anticipating a favor in return. I assist as a result of it’s the proper factor to do!
Right here’s my query for you at present:
Is there part of your life the place you’ve averted asking for assist, making an attempt to determine all of it out by yourself?
Are you able to reframe this in a extra helpful method? One which sees asking for assist as an indication of intelligence and power – not weak point.
Are you able to attain out for assist at present, and NOT say “thanks I owe you one” and as a substitute simply pay it ahead?
Ask for assist! It’s adequate for Aragron, and this nerdy dude within the fitness center…it’s most likely okay for you too.
-Steve